Monday, February 25, 2008

Our Spring Break Plan

So Reg and I planned our spring break trip. We going to SoCal the 20th-23rd. I'm pretty excited I must say. We doing BIG THANNNNGS. ahhaha JK ! But, so far Thursday we leave at 5 am and drive to Gmas. At noon go to my old HS and visit my friends. Friday we go to Universal or Disneyland. Saturday go to Hollywood and chillax, walk around, all that good stuff. Come back Sunday morning. I'm excited! Yay ! My Springbreak is March 17-21. Oh and NorCal March 7th son ! YAY ! Battlefest ! We staying at Mappy's. Bern, AR, and I are flying as virgins on Virgin America haha. our flight is 4 15 son. SUPER excited. We gon ge faded yo haha. It's over fa shoooooos ! Ok. I'm done ! Night Loves.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Reggie Baby :]

So I must say, Reggie and I are doing wonderful. This past week has been nothing but GREAT with us. That Sunday when Chill Factor left I assisted my Uncle at Hollywood Vibe. I felt bad for leaving Reggie in his car alone saying I didn't want to be with him at the moment but that's all I had to say ya know? So I called him and asked if he wanted to go out that night. So we went on a lil date to the movies and when I saw him I was so happy because I havn't seen him all weekend. It's crazy how you don't see someone you really love for like 2 days and you end up missing them terribly. He told me he missed me so much and he looked so sad that we weren't together. But I told him not to worry. I won't leave him. We both had our mess ups, and we both ready to make it work. Anywhoo, I'm excited to start our shit over. We gonna do traveling this summer, live together :] yee ! He finally accepted my L.A. situation and he is willing to work it out. He said he will visit me when he can and I will visit him when I can. It's not that far. I'm willing to drive to LV for that homie <3.>

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Welcome To The Zoo



So my weekend was pretty good I must say. Friday got home from school slept a lil internet blah blah you know the deal. Was pretty upset from Reggie and what happened. So I told Jackie some shit that went down with me and then she was like " IMMA PICK YO ASS UP ! " haha. So I got ready bummed it and left the house. We picked up Roberto's YUM! Carnitas burrito with GUAC AND CHEESE ONLY! Yes that is my order all the damn time. Soooo ! Bam text me giving me the room # that they was stayin at. PH room 2129. Haha i'm lame. Anywhooo. I went to eat my burrito in they room. It was nice seeing all of them...some new faces too. It was Jay Chris, Jun, Toybox, Feng, Tovu, Bam, Cho (Jason used to kinnah dance with him SI2 shit ha) I think that's everyone?! Hella funny group of ppl! We got up there and just chilled. Drinkin here and there smokin here and there....Bam says I'm whack. Kept clownin on Jun's ass ahaha. SO SYMPHANY YEAH YEAH ! hahaha. So funny. Jun giving me breast cancer. Toybox and I remembering the times back then. Fun times. So Daff and Thug come through also. Love those girls. SO we decided to go to Daff's house..I ride with Jack to get shit for the HOOKAHZZZ. Then Daff calls saying her Aunt is sleeping in the loft and shit so like WTF where do we go? Had drama shit with LOLO and yeah but EH anyways. So we like we just go back to the room. All of us just chillen Jun with his jager hahaha fuckin whack ass. we there till like 3 in the morn. Bam & I walk Jackie to her car to get my shit cuz I didn't want to walk back by myself. So we say bye to her walk back up to the room. Then Daff goes where Jack? I'm like duh we just said bye to her. She's like her two front tires are flat...I'm like wth?! So Jack comes back up and is hella pissed poor girl. We there till about 4 then Thug, Daff, Jack & I decide to leave. So we are all walkin down...this guy goes "don't go out to the garage there's a fight..." and us not paying any attention lmao walk out...and we see hella black ppl..so they cars are right there and some guy goes.. " WUSSUP THEN NIGGAH?! " or something like that ya know ahha. And Thug is trying to get in the car and Jack is running behind the cars lmao. And Daff & I don't know where the fuck to go. So Jack goes get over here ! Then the black dude reaches in his pants to get something and Jack is like HELL NO so we run behind all the cars and Jack says he had a gun IUNO?! So we run up to the next parking level like losers. & I'm hella buzzin and could barely run with a backpack on my back holding my sweater and a bag. HAAH. My knees kept hitting each other and shit haha idiot. So we had to wait a bit cuz the cops were blocking their cars. So finally they leave. Jackk drives Daffs car cuz Daff hella sleepy and Thug & I in the back. So I knock the fuck out. We get to Jack's. Daff is hella tired so I offered to drive to. Thug thinks we gonna die since I'm driving hahahaa. But yeah we drive to Daff's then Daff & I sleep in her room and Thug is outside in the loft. Daff & I talk for about half an hour then we knock out a lil past 5.


We had to wake up cuz I had a MCME meeting at 10. Our alarm goes off and it's 930 so we had to leave cuz they live southside. Haha. So we leave to go there and both of u were hella sleepy. Meeting started at about 10 3o and we left there around 12ish. Daff let me drive back to the house. Umm Thug is barely getting up haha. So we wanna get ready but we were way too tired to. We had to take Jack to PH to try to fix her tire. We get there and the shit would not put air lmao. Geezez and it was like 420 someSING and we had tobe at the studio at 5. So we give up and we drive to the studio...So we on fuckin Harmon tryna turn left on LVB. Yall know them fuckin pedestrians never move out the way. So Daff and her road rage come out. She starts going FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU ! hella times screaming out the window and I'm in the back fuckin crackin up so hard. Then she starts hella honkin her horn hahahaha. Like 5 short ass honks and 1 long asssssssssss honk. HAAHAHAH. I was dying. So the light turns green again and no cars are moving cuz of them damn tourists. Takin they sweet time crossing the street thinkin if there is hella people they can just walk too. Then Daff starts screaming even more and is screaming at all the people walking and there's like hella ppl staring at us. Haha. So we finally go past the light and Daffi is still honking while she's driving screaming fuck you. Haha all those ppl walkin the strip were like WTF?! ahahahahaha. Omg! So PHANNAY ! So we on the way to the studio FINALLY and on the way to take class ! Yay ! Bam & Tovu taught first. I loved it. Even though it looked like I didn't enjoy taking that class as Bam said hahaha. But they taught that Alicia Keys intro to her album. The piano thingy thingy. Sick. Then Toybox & Feng taught they house piece. Omgahhhh I loved it hella. I like never learned how to do house. Haha Daff & I had hella fun doing that shit haha. Then it was Jun & Jay Chris. Was sick but I don't even like that song haha.


SOOO I see Lo & Boyong out the window and they said Reg wants to talk tome. I said no. But Lo just kept asking me and said even just for 2 minutes would be ok. I'm like fineee. So I go to Reg's car and talk to him. We still not together and I'm not gonna go into detail with our convo. It was like 5-10 minutes SHORT. Sorry Reg...We still koo though. We figuring stuff out kind of. He's really sad and all that. But what can I do? Anywhoo..more of tha later..


I go back in front of the studio and we all gonna go back to the room. So we all leave and I ride with Daff shotieee and Ramey and Thug in the back. So my window is down and we on Flamingo already on the strip ish and we were telling Ramey Daffi's road rage earlier. Haha so like Daff starts talkin and is like saying hwo she hates when the sign says stop and ppl still wanna walk. So I look to my right and see this old man taxi driver smiling and nodding his add as if he's like yeaaaah hahaha. So I say Hi ! and he's says something but all I hear is like mumbling so I like YEAH ! hahahaha. Then I start hella laughing and I tell Daffi and we all look at him. And the light turns green so we about to go. Then he's says something and we like huh?! And he's like " I AGREEEEE WITH THAT " hahaahahaha saying he agrees about that pedestrian thing. Omg the way he said that was the most hilarious thing ever. Fuck...ahahaha. He like had an indian accent thing going on and he was like missing his front teeth and shit. Haha omgaaaaaah that shit was so funny. !! So like when me and Daff talk and somethiing comes up like we feel the same way about the situation or like we both think something is koo we now go I AGREEEE WITH THAT in that accent and everything hahahaha it's so funny. So anyways we go up to the room and we all hella hungry so Daff, Thug, Ramey, Feng, Jun & I go down to find some food. We end up eating at Sbarro. I had this pasta that was really good but they gave a lot so I let Ramey finish it. Jun bought more alchohol. SOOOOO...we go back to the room. Then I guess everyone decided to go to Daffi's. We go to Daff's...all of us chillen. Drank up a lil smoke up a lil you know the deal there. Had a good time. Good laughs and that's it! Shiiit. Miss them already though ! But fuck I went to sleep at 6 and had to wake up at 7 to assist my Uncle at Hollywood Vibe. Was SOOOOOO damn tired omg. But I had a good time assisting him. My feets hurt though from dancing barefoot ! Haha I had no clean socks geeeez. But yeah that day was alright.


Reg & I went out last night. We watched The Eye cuz I've always wanted to see that. Ending was whacko wthaaaail haha. Then we went to Jack in the Crack cuz I was craving a #20 ! damnit. So good. hahahaa but bad for you geeeez. Then he took me home. We talked a lil about the whole LA thing...how long we on break for..yadayada. But he coming over in a bit so we can talk cuz yeah. I don't know. I ain't gonna go back to him just like that ya know? I don't feel like talkin about this so yeeeeeah. Love everyone...





thanx for a good weekend yall.. :]

Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy belated Valentine's Day

so Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovely couples out there. Hope you guys had a good one. For me Reggie brang me flowers and i baked him cookies and we watched No Reservations. Didn't finish it but it was a really cute movie.

Anyways. Me Reggie broke up I guess. Everyone knows why already. I want to hang with my friends. Yada yada. Yall know the deal. I told him he has no damn friends out here and he walked off. Yeah pretty messed but da hell your friends dem beezys who try to jock you or you used to talk to em? YEAH OK. Who cares anyways...

Jackie i love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. You been there since 15 bitch ass ! hahaha. Man you have always been there for me no matter what dang. It's crazy. We practically are sisters. I consider you as my sister. I tell you things I can't tell other people. I thank God you are in my life. When you say I LOVE YOU..it makes me feel so warm inside..It makes me happy. Family...comes first. (or second since your REAL REAL family goes first ya know hahaha you know what i mean..)Geez.... I LOVE YOU SIS. for real.

Miss Erikaas. Haha. Thank yooooou so much too.fREshREmix (10:20:53 PM): i just wanted to make sure you're okay.... WTF what kind of ex gf of your recent bf says that?! Real talk i'm glad I have you to talk to. If me and him don't work out...I look up to you on how independent you are and how you view life. I Can't wait to meet yo hoodrat ass :] You have a good head on your shoulders girl. Heart chu for realz... <33

Jeka Kalotkin. Man girl..haha I don't know where to start HA. I really enjoy talking to you. It makes my day better. SERIOUSLY. You put a damn smile on my face all the time. I know I can count on you if I ever need someone to talk to. And you know the sameee....I heart chu Jeka. I'm so glad I bumped into you in Anaheim. I would of never had a friend like you in my life.

I don't know.. this is like HS drama bullshit type of shit. haha that sounded phannnay. Anyways i baked myself cookies and I am going to enjoy them. I am just in a really thankful mood right now that I have people there for me. People who I thought would never be there for me.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Questioning

Nothing to really type today. I have nothing more to say. All I can say to myself is to stay strong. Don't let the bullshit bring you down. You don't deserve all of this. It's so hard though..

EshREmix (10:25:59 PM): You don't need that.

I tell myself that all the time. She just told me...maybe we rushed this relationship. I think I'm agreeing with that. I mean what the hell, we been together for not even 3 months. We got so much time ahead of us. But anyways I have no words right now.

God Bless everyone out there. Take care and don't let anybody bring anyone down. Thank you everyone who has tried to help me. I Love You ... Goodnight...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Arguing.

Alright, i always do this. Write in here then i end up writing again. What a damn nerd i am! Anywhoo, as everyone knows, Reggie and I argue too damn much. Me and Reg have been together for about 3 months (on the 17th) now. I love that kid so much. But we cannot go a day without arguing. Maybe one of these days I'm not going to be able to hand it and we might split. I really don't want that to happen because I love him so dearly. Nothing seems to work out. We sit and talk, he tells me to change this and that...We try to find a solution and stop things and we agree...but nothing ends up right. We go straight back to arguing. I know he loves me too for a fact. Knowing him he could probably move on with a blink of an eye. But this has been on my mind the past days. I can't get it out.

We need to communicate ya know? Frequent fighting tells me there are some underlying issues in this relationship and it needs to be worked on. We fight about things that don't even matter because we are not really talking about the things that matter. Does that make sense? I don't know how to explain it. There has got to be a reason why we are at each other's throats...Nothing will change until we find out. I listen to him with an open heart. I hope he does the same. I need to learn how to not get defensive to what he says. Goodness it's so frustrating people ! The times I try to communicate with him, he don't want to listen. He always wants to be the one with the last say. He always interrupts me when I talk. He gets mad way too easily and makes a little problem seem so HUGE. Are our problems worth arguing for? Hell no....I know I would like to ask my friends for help, but I know it makes things worse. I'm not saying you guys are worthless...I'm saying you guys will always be on my side trying to make him look bad. I know all of this isn't his fault...a lot of it is mine too.

Reggie, I love you dearly hun, but things get out of hand don't you think? We talk about our future and promise to be with each other till the end...We talk about moving in together...We talk about supporting each other..this that...but you think we can get there with our behavior? No way. This summer is our summer...going on our trip to get closer, seeing each other all the time, getting closer to our goals. Idk..but I need to go wash my hair out. I dyed it black again. Night Night....

in my room all effing day

so hmph...today i went home early from school cuz i don't feel too good. but got a nice long day to do all of my hw. i just finished my persuasive essay. i feel accomplished i must say. but yeah going back to ash wednesday last week...i gave up soda. but going to church on sunday...made me realize i had to give up something to make me a better person...so i decided to give up arguing with my reggie. boy people told me..dang girl knowing you two that's impossible. hey i'm gonna try my hardest? as long as i try is all that matters to me. but today...i'm kind of down cuz of him. i told him i'm stayin at daff's this weekend and he started actin weird after that. i text him that i miss him...no text back. i call him..don't answer..i don't know what's going on...but i'm upset...it's hurting me inside though...on the bright side...i been talkin to a friend. she's a person i can turn to if i'm feelin down. she makes me feel better. and puts a smile on my face...thank you. um battlefest in one month kids. yee. so i can say my grades are good. nothing near failing thank goodness. graduating in 4 months is exciting yet scary. but i think that's all i have to say today.

johnta austin-the one that got away

"life's too hard, can't even breathe, wherever you are, reach out to me..."

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

my future

yeah i know i just wrote in here but i have to get more off my mind...so like you know..4 months till i graduate. dang finally?! wtf...my ass can't even believe it. shit. haha. but me and reg have been arguing about something lately. MY FUTURE. so as yall know..my dream is to be a dancer..do all those lil gigs..go on tour..go out the country...teach...WOW just so much fun ya know? i'm super excited and my uncle says i should start young. so he suggests for me to move to LA this year and start working. headshots, agents, auditions, you name it. but reg thinks imma leave him and find another guy. since there are so many "dancers" out there. he basically says if i move to pursue my dream..he gonna break it off. so now i'm thinkin imma just stay with him...in vegas. drive back and forth to cali...fly all the time...shit. it's gonna be hard but if that's how he'll see that i'm really going to stay with him then that's what i will do. cuz he won't believe me in any other way. it's so hard...geez. he just keeps telling me all the time imma find someone else and all that. geez. ALL THE TIME i hear that shit. when i talk about LA he gets all butt hurt and starts an argument and shit.... i mean dang can you chill ?! ugh. so much frustration with this kid. i don't know i feel like he setting so much of the rules and i have no say in this relationship. it's like a one way door for him. i'm just behind it...stuck ya know?! just cuz i'm younger don't mean shit. i have a strong head on my shoulders and know what i want. i don't see you as your age...you show immaturity so many times hun. no lie. don't say i am...cuz you are also. i always sit here in my room not knowing what to do. having to call joseph or jessee all the time. no moreeeeee please. fuck. ok i'm done i got a major head ache on the realll !!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

this is the life

alright. so recently i wrote an essay about my mom and how i feel towards her. that let out so much from me. i feel better that i wrote all of that. but yeah i think i'm just fed up with her and gave up on trying to build a relationsihip with her. i know that's not the right attitude but what can i do ya know?? she don't have time for me. about a couple of weeks ago...she tried to take her life...she drank a lil and decided to take pills with that. i was just in shock like wtf...cuz i was already having a bad night as it was ya know? but i just had a reality checkk that night. fuck...you never know when your gonna lose the ones you LOVE. my attitude towards my mom has to change...i could of lost her that night...it's scary to think about that...but anyways..

SOOO !!! school is going good so far. 4 months until i'm out. umm meccamee is going great also...fusion is our first competition up in SD. excited about that. umm battlefest is coming up march 8th i believe yee.

so love life. me and reggie yes are still together if you wanna know. shockingly. through all our shit. but fuck he gets mad way too damn easily. i'm not talking to him right now. i don't know what's going on with us right now actually. this isn't worth my typing right now fuck i can't let shit like this bring me down ya know? i got 4 months till i'm out and doing my thang. working hella hard..dancing...school. it's gonna be a struggle for me...but i know i can get through all of it. well i don'tfeel like typing so yeah !