Monday, March 31, 2008

What's your name?

So everyone knows the Reggie and I situation. Yeah it's hard but you know what? Everything happens for a reason and it's not some game. He is no prize to be won. It's just Reggie. Yeah he is an amazing man who I loved so much, but you have to learn to be strong and let go. It's going to take me some time because he tells me not to let him go. But I am not falling for anything right now. I have no time to be led on. As much as I want to talk to him the way I used to, I have to think around the situation instead of falling into it. Sure you probably have his heart the way no one can, but I still love him, as a friend. And I know for a fact he loves me as a friend. And that is enough to satisfy me. Whatever action he takes, I'm happy. You're a great girl and I'm not surprised if you two will someday get back together. Support is all I can give. Sorry if the tension has been like RAWR ! Haha. But I'm just trying to help myself. I am trying so hard. It hurts so damn much. Just know that. No hard feelings towards you. I know you two have been through so much together. I'm an understanding person if you get to know me. Anyways. My life is great. Love is just not a word I want to go near right now. I may always be crying at night but fuck, it takes time for my heart to heal.

Like an apple on a tree, hiding out behind the leaves, I was difficult to reach, but you picked me.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Alpine Church Retreat

Can you say amazing? Oh where to start for this one. I left my cell phone at home because first off there was no reception and second off I didn't even want to look at it. I'm so happy I did that. So, I arrived at church around 3 10ish. Put my stuff on the bus and signed in. Jayar and I sat together of course hahaha. Ashton and Taylor were behind us. The ride there we watched click and then all of us fell asleep during it. Woke up and we were at Barstow. Jayar, Lynne, Ada, and I ate at Panda. Waisted food dangit haha. So we had this thing called the "Holy Hammer" where you had to hold it for 20 minutes and put our initials on it. I had it the last 20 minutes before we got off to Barstow. Me and Jayar initialed it on the bottom where no one else could. GET EM ! So we going up the mountain and it's all dark. Narrow roads. SCURRY ! And then taylor said curtains hella funny hahaha. I couldn't stop making fun of his ass. Then Jacob's ass.. " I can play that acapulco! "... I look at Taylor all confused and what not. And I just start hella laughing hahahha. Jayar's ass started hella laughing at me cause I couldn't stop! Haha. Oh geeezez. He meant to say acapella. HAHA. Anywhoo. We arrive at Alpine and it's fuckin freezing! Haha. We go in this room and just start talkin. We play all this quick games. THen we get situated in our rooms. It was like 12 or 1 when we got in. I loved my roomies hahaha. So fun. We didn't sleep till like 3. We had to wake up at 7! Weak ! But we just kept laughing and doing random shit. So then we fall asleeeeeep.
Day2
We wake up at aroudn 7 and have breakfast at 8. Breakfast was good. Half asleep eating and what not haha. We go into the lounge again and get in our colored groups where we did many activities again. Like how do you show your faith, singing songs together, laughing hella hard, haha. We did aan activity where we got a nail and a mustard seed. We had no idea why but we were told to keep them with us and to not lose it! We was PURPLE GROUP ! YAY ! We bomb yeah. Played jeopardy. 2nd place whatever ! But yee! haha. We ate lunch and then we went up to the ropes course! SHOOOZ Can you say fun?! But before the ropes course we did this lil activity where we were both standin on these benches where it was split in the middle and we all had to switch sides. But I had a blindfold on and two people had their hands tied together so it was challenge. They had to guide me and tell me which way to turn put my foot where etc. It was such a challenge. I trusted all of them. Trust was a major issue and I gave them all my TRUST. They all held me and promised not to let me go. A lot of them were bigger than me so they just swung me around haha. I was gripping on for dear life to them haha. Well there was another blind guy too, and he fell crossing the gap. Of course all of us were upset cuz if that happened, we had to start over ! So we gave GRACE. Such a beautiful word. Grace is when you give someone a second chance even when they don't deserve it. GOD gives each and everyone of us Grace. Thank goodness for that word. So we finished our task! We were all so proud ! THen we all head up to the ropes course ! OH MY GEE ! Climbing trees and doing all these challenges !!!! I did this one where you gotta climb a tree and walk across this thing wire grabbing ropes that are more than my arm length apart. Omgah was I scared ! But my guy doing my ropes kept encouraging me ! He was a cutie one too! HAHA. But I was shitting bricks up there cause I'm kind of scared of heights! So I reached for the first rope, and that was basically my arm length! So then I grab my rope to pull myself to that other rope! Then the next ropes were all so damn far apart ! But long story short ! I finished the challenge ! I felt so good! All the encouragement he gave me made me do it ! And my friends screaming for me that I can do it got me to finish ! Dang though my hands hurt so bad! I couldn't even move them cuz how tight I was gribbing the ropes and how cold it was out there. After ropes course we had a break. Then dinner. Yummy dinner. Talked ate yada yada. Then we had like an hour break. We went to the rooms and all hung out. Took crazy pictures. Walked randomly places. Haha. So much fun ! We all got hyper ! Then our hour was OVER. WEAK ! But! it was then 10pmish and we all went into the lounge. No lights on. Just a big cross in the middle with candles all over it and crosses. The room looked beautiful. They gave us a question to think about which was, " People would know me better if they knew that...." and we just thought about that question. One of the leaders Tiffany shared her story. Emotional, made me cry because my story could relate to hers. Robyn also shared hers, intense too. Then, all of us got a yellow envelope with letters in it. We didn't know what it was. So we opened it, and it was letters from our family and sponsors. WOW.... reading those letters made me cry so hard. I completely lost it. So touching...I just thought about EVERYTHING going on in my life at that moment. Hearing everyone cry around me was so emotional. After that we each got a cross from the big cross. They said we could leave if we wanted, but could stay however long we wanted. So of course I stayed. Talked to people, comforted them. Zack comforted me. I opened up to him a lil problem of mine. He just knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. I appreciated it. I just sat there staring at the cross remembering everything in my life that impacted me. God has always been there for me. Even if I thought he wasn't. He is always accepting us no matter what sins we make. I love him so much. I thought about Reggie and started crying again. I couldn't even see. I wrote a prayer for him on the cross. So it will always be there. I love you baby. I went up to my room and started talkin to the girlies. Crazy girls. haha. BUt yeah that was our 2nd day !
Day3!
So we wake up around 73o and ate yummy breakfast at 8 again. We had mass after that and had all of our individual crosses blessed. I was sleepy though from all the crying I was doing the following night before. After mass we had a lil break. Then we came back in the lounge. We were told to sit in a circle with our crosses out. We were also told to take our nails out also. So then we were told that we had to go up to someone who had affected you during this retreat. We had to go up to them and tell them why, and have them hold our cross while we nail our nail into our cross with the holy hammer. So yeah, all of it came together. Everyone got up to get their crosses nailed and it was a very touching moment. Seeing everybody smile. It was a beautiful thing. Then after that we had lunch. After lunch it was time to pack ! Haha we were just enjoying our last moments in Alpine and just laughing going crazy. Taylor ended up ditchin Ashton ahahaha. So damn funny. So we all sat on the bus together our lil groupie and were just enjoying the motion sickness going down the mountain while lookin at the breath taking view. Haha. I fell asleep like half an hour into the ride and woke up with ppl yelling at me that we was at Barstow already ha. Ashton, Jayar, and I went to the mall and the gas station. We stocked up on junk food shit hahahaa. Ashton bought a carne asada burrito and stank up the bus ha. Then I fell asleep and before you know it, back in Las Vegas BOO ! hahaha.
Anyways, this retreat completely changed my life. I have been reading my bible they gave us and it's so easy to understand. This retreat got me reflecting on my life and the past and taught me to just forget about the past. This is my life now. Whatever happens happen. It taught me to be a good person to everyone. Help out wherever whenever. Be the first to strike! I volunteered to help out for the hospital and to teach confirmation 1 or 2 next year. I'm going to join the Youth Ministry After Confirmation group as soon as battlefest vegas is over. I want to stay involved in the church and help as much as possible. Church makes me feel whole and warm. Makes me feel loved. Everyone is open and welcomes you. I love it! I feel like my soul has been purified and touched. It's such an amazing feeling. Like I have been cleansed. I'm going to start praying every night because I know God will be the one to listen to me and will be the one who is always there for me. No matter what God will never hurt me or betray me. He will always forgive me and give me grace. I love him very much. I thank him for always being there for me even though I didn't know he was. My set of footprints have been a single set for a long time, I think pretty soon there will be two sets of footprints.

Monday, March 24, 2008

New post!

I finally got a fuckin job. Banana Republic @ Premium Outlets. HELLA FAR ! But fuck...It's worth the money. $9.50 an hour. My co-workers are all nice and chill. They make my job easy haha. I started Saturday 9-5 and just got off work right now. 3-10. It's fun. But my feet hurt at the end of the day !haha.
I finally bought my driver's ed time lmao. Fuckin lexi you lagger. So I finally am getting that over and DONE with ! Then June oh snap Lexi be on the road ! Haha.
Reggie and I are koo. Made him hella mad this weekend hahaha yall know why. Shit. Anyways! He picked me up from work tonight <3>
What else bruhh?! Notingz ! Haha. Ok I'm hunger. I am going to eat ! SWEEET!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Spring Break Week

Hello ! Well I just came back from church and I feel great. I sat there on this palm sunday grateful for everything in my life. To her, if you wanna keep on talking your mess go ahead. You're just wasting your breath. It's ok because you will not bring me down. I know in my head what's going on. Thank you because you helped make me stronger. To just ignore the bullshit in your life. :) yay for that !

I'm job hunting this week because I hate being unemployed ! Umm.. BATTLEFEST VEGAS THE BOOGIE WARS IN 2 MONTHS BITCH ! I'm super excited for Meccamee :] I'm excited to perform again. I love dancing. Without it, I wouldn't be able to survive life honestly. It's my first love and I am greatful I am gifted with this talent. Thank you God.
So LA ! 3 months till I graduate. But my plan, I don't care where I am or when I leave. God knows my plan and he knows I will make the right decisions. I am not going to let anybody bring me down from my goals. I am not putting this talent to waste, I want to do something with it. Whether it is in Vegas or LA or fuckin NEW YORK?! I will be doing what I love doing, DANCE. Sure LA is the spot to be dancing, but you honestly can dance wherever you desire. Whatever honestly makes you happy. This will be my decision in the future. I love it. I am excited to see what decisions I make in the future. As long as God is guiding me I will be fine.

I love life, I have so much going for me. I will make it with the love and support of my family and friends. Get em bitch !

Thursday, March 13, 2008

BLAH !

Hello everyone again. Haha. I'm here because I have a lot on my mind. First off, I miss him. It's so hard. And I feel like i'll be around just chillen and nothing is going to happen. It sucks ya know? I love him so damn much. I love him willing to do anything to get him back. Seriously, well not jump off a cliff kind of shit haha. Anywhoo..
I just wanted to apologize to her. She don't respond to me but I just want to say I'm really sorry. For me, I would love to still be your "friend" if you want to call it? You are such a good person to talk to. If you can forgive my ouburst and shit but I just want to tell you there's so much shit going on in my life that that kind of hurt and I took it really personal. If only you knew what was going on, you'd understand my side too. Yeah...had to let that out...
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I taught hip-hop today in intermediate jazz! It was fun ! I had much fun teaching those girls. :] Yeah I feel such a good vibe everytime I'm around all the girls I dance with. I walk into a room and they yell LEXI !!!! Like whoa ! CALM YOSELF ! haha but it's so cute. Today, Layla told me, I'm such a likeable person, that I'm a person you can't hate. She said she can't point out someone who doesn't like me. I really truly love all those girls. With them I forget about a lot of my drama because they are the most amazing group of girls. Always making me laugh and what not. I thank them for always putting a smile on my face even when I'm down. I love you LVA crazy girls haha.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

be careful she might slit you

Well good evening. I am just sitting here doing my homework for English tomorrow. Half way done so I am taking a break. Anyways last night, I got hella heated. I saw the text message from her and was confused as fuck? Damn first off hella mad he told her my PERSONAL FUCKIN BUSINESS...even if she was trying to help, she went and said that? I respected her no lie, yeah it's uncomfortable when they talk but i'm nice about it and let it go. But now wtf? Just had to jot that down...hmm. I realized much last night. It opened up my eyes. Thank goodness. Alright i'm going to finish my hw. Good fuckin night

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Battlefest Weekend!

Why hello. I just got home from the bay area. I miss it already ! Haha. So I will type my whole trip! HERE I GO !




So Day 1. I meet AR a the airport I get there around 2 3o ish. Haha his ass looked like "a big gay" as he called it standing there alone. " LEXI hurry up I don't know what to do !" haahha. So I get there but we have to wait for Bern. So Bern arrives we go to virgin get our boarding passes and walk to the security check shit thing. I don't know what it's called ahha. So I put my stuff in the plastic box and i'm about to go through. I forgot to take my sweater off so I had to go back again and get a new tub thing and put it in. Piece of caca lady haha. Waste of my time ! So we all go walk to find our flight and we could not find it. Turns out we walked the opposite way. What idiots huh?! lmao. Yee. We ate at burger king and waited for our flight. We finally got on the plane and it was cute haha. Purple lights and red lights inside. A touch screen thing in front of you where you can play games, listen to music, watch tv. It was entertaining ! So we fly, i'm terrified of flying I don't know why. AR is all amazed by everything in the plane. Bern is just chill cuz she was like our mom haha. So we finally arrive. Jeka picked us up. Can you say awkward?! LMAO the first day with her ass she was all hella rude to me ! GEEZ ! Haha. We go to starbucks and she gets a drink. Walks out the door waving. like um do we follow you?! IDONTKNOW ! I was so irritated ! Then Drew walks in the door I say hi. We leave to meet Rictor and Kat. We park and they start dancing. Then Bern's ass was in the backseat, rolled down the window all the way and the thing to roll the indow down gets stuck. HAAHH ! my goodness that was the mosthilarious thing ever. So more awkwardness with Jeka so we go with Kat to pick up her friend to go to SINO. SO we go to Sino and it's a nice place. Food was bomb. We were there till about 12. About 15 heads were with us. Amazing group of ppl I can say. So we were all outside just joking around taking pictures talking. So much fun !!! Then Bern and I catch a ride with Jeka to go to Mappy's. So it was Jackie, Daffi, Bern, Jeka, Mappy, Julia, Jaymazing, Jed, & Jun. I remember Mikey and someone else coming. But we drank smirnoffvodka.... disgusting shit. Jeka called it. Eyeballs Eyeballs Eyeballs ! haha ! Then another shot right away ahahha. Eyeballs once again ! That shit is so gross. Haha. So we went to smoke outside. Then I went back inside and Bern, Daff, and I took another shot. haha. Man. After awhile of drankin and smoking...I finally got buzzed of course ahaha. Someone's feet stank like UGHH ! and I swore it wasn't mine... Ppl said that's all I talked about HAAH. So Jed thought I was crazy and shit and Jun clownin as always. haha. I fell asleep for a bit then woke up but I don't kno what woke me up. It was around 43o 5ish that everyone settled down. All of us on the damn floor together. On the fuckin sand blanket. HAHAH. I kept getting sand in my mouth?! I don't know I kept hearing crunching shit haha. So everyone was snoring and shit. Jackie kept the tv on. Bright as hell ! So yee !!!! got fucked up yooo. Such a good time that night. Haha many laughs and inside jokes and pictures and yeah ! ahha



Day 2

awww last day in the bay :[ woke up around 10ish cuz aaron was picking us up at "12" hahaha. So me and the sexy ladies get ready. He comes at 12 3o. We go to subway eat. Then head to cow palace and chill there till BFST. We were on the guest list. So no pay yay ! Umm...It was freezing. So we go inside get our seats cuz we was there early. I met Miss Erika. Cutest thing ever ! geez. haha. Sorry we didn't get to hang out mahtz :[ !!! Umm...Watched the show. Laughed at all the random shit that was going on. Haha. Oh geezez. Watched our favorites perform. Good job PDC btw. Mad love for you guys <3freakin>

So I gotta say I had a good time meeting new people and all that ish ! The people out there were so friendly and amazing. I wish I can go back :] Maybe again one day ! Right Bern?! Haha. I can't wait to see them again at battlefest vegas ! YAY ! This time all us Vegas heads get to perform too yay ! Haha. Good Vegas get away ! Thank goodness I needed that. <33

Monday, March 3, 2008

Monday

So school today was pretty damn boring. My dumb English teacher got mad at me for walking behind her desk. Haha. I was like DANG CALM DOWN ! Freakin weirds. Um I didn't dance today cuz I didn't feel like it. I just listened to music while watching them do ballet. My other class I sat down too talking to Francesca. Love her...We just sat there and laughed at the stupid shit we said and did haha. Umm...SOO ! march 27th and 28th is our Senior Showcase I think and that same weekend I have a church retreat to attend. If I don't attend this retreat, I don't get confirmed by the church. If I don't attend the showcase, it brings down my grade and I have to write a 7 page paper. WHAT A GAY HUh?! UGH ! So anger. I gotta fix this stupid caca.
I'm on the phone with my love and I miss him just talking to him :] I'm doing my hw and he's playing on his DS. So cute NAMAAAN ! Haha. He sounds so damn cute. Ok back to my hw for Englisssssh ! Ahhh Whack ! School is almsot done. 3 more months !!!!! YEEEE! Ok good byeee for nowwww

Sunday, March 2, 2008

11:19 pm

Hello. Well today Reggie and I just hung out in my room all day today. Cutesy Cutesy. He's here laying down singing next to me. "i got this chick that chick but it don't matter.." hahahaha dumbz. I love him thoooo. Anyways.. @ 5 went to church as always. Had confirmation. Yee cuz I wanna be a faithful catholic and i'm ready to be accepted by the church. I'm excited to expand my faith and help out the community. <33

Umm yeah ! Haha so Reggie kept buggin today and tryna play around when I was in sleepy mode. He kept tryna tickle me and shit. Haha I hate when he does that cuz I end up laughing and losing to fight back. Haha. I have so much fun with him. We played with our phones put new music pictures blah blah. Fixed our myspaces. Talked. Laughed. Haha my feet stank today !!! Reggie's face was so funny I couldn't stop laughing. Haha and his ass was laughing all loud dumb shit. Gonna get my ass caught ! Haha. Aww my baby. Finally we on good terms again. Starting over. I'm too damn excited for our SoCal trip. California loveeeeee. Haha. "I'm from L.A. Southern California !" haha Reggie's dumb self making fun of the "West Co" girl ahhaha. I hate you asshole ahah. What a nice day together though. A lot of laughs. My ride to die brooo. lmao that was pretty lame. But he is !!!! My favorite boy in my life !!!! My beautiful boyfriend. Who cares what people think about me, or you, let them talk shit. It's life. People will learn how to deal with it...They know we in love and they don't know half the shit we went through. Forget the past this is the start of a new chapter for ussss. Love yoooooooooou.
Goodnight !

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Relax.

Good evening. I'm sitting here with a confused mind and a bruised heart. I'm not going to type anything but again, it is Reggie problems. Nothing new. I always cry and i've been in so much pain. Put in situations I don't want to be in. Choices, frustration, respect, love,sadness, confusion, lies, arguments, changes. Just a list of words about my day. Anyways...
THIS WEEKEND IS BAY AREA WEEKEND ! yay ! I'm super duper excited ! Our flight is at 4:15 and it's Bern, Ar, and I. Jeka is picking us up from the airport. I'm so excited ! Battlefest is on Saturday and before that I think we going to the city. Of course getting faded both nights. I can't wait. I'm going to have a good time for sureee! :] We staying at Mappy's and hopefully I see everyone I want to see ! Especially my Jeka ! I miss her ass ! She's my inspiration.
UMM ! Yeah ! Nothing new. Just wanting to get out of Vegas. Spring break is in 2 weeks. Amazing. But man I can't get over the fact that it's March already. WTF?! Crazy ! How time passes by so quickly. Ok i'm done for the day ! Goodnight !