Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hatred

I'm sitting here crying my eyes out trying to type. So if there are some typos just ignore it. As everyone knows Reggie has just been making me sad. Honestly I can't really concentrate right now in anything. Leading me on type of shit isn't making me feel better. I got in the biggest fight with my Uncle right now because my grades aren't good enough for him. He saw 2 missing assignments and was being a smart ass like saying " i don't understand?! you don't do anything! " I'm like wtf?! So he starts yelling...he says " You best damn well get 100% or something on this upcoming assignment. As a matter of fact go get the fuckin assignment and show me that shit " In this rude ass fuckin way ! Reminded me when I used to live back home with my Grandma and we would get into arguments that were horrible. So it brought back so many haunting memories. I just lost it. I was like alright ! I'll bring you the friggen assignment shit ! So I walked to out to get it and he's like " get back in here ! blah blah blah" I didn't hear cuz I was walking away. So I come back in with the damn assignment and put it on his desk. He's like get over here ! And he's like you have no right to talk to me like that. So I said why do you talk to me like that??? Then he raises his voice so damnnnn fuckin loud it scared me and he got up and looked like he was going to hit me. And I look at Chanelle crying my eyes out saying why is he yelling at me like this?! He there cussing at me yelling so fuckin loud! Omg it was so horrible never in my life have I seen him like this ! He never talked to me like that. So I finally go to my room crying needing Reggie to talk to.. It was like 3 and I text him and he's like why what happened? So I tell him a lil, then no response...and i'm sitting there crying wanting to talk to him cuz no one else will understand my situation the way he would. I'm sitting there crying for hours trying to do my homework. Waiting for his call. Still waiting. And still waiting. I finally cry myself to sleep. I wake up around 8 and at the same time he finally calls. 5 hours at the DMV really? =\ I am so upset I really am.

When i'm with your fuckin ass you want to hold me and not let me go. When I'm not you ignore the fuck outta me. Wtf is my problem?! Am I blind?! I must be. It's like you do the things you do with me just because I am there and have no one else to hold and shit. You're fuckin complicated! So much hatred toward you right now. You have no idea how bad I want to slap some senses into your fuckin head. Why do I put up with this? He says there's no one else. He says not to worry. Then one day he's hella rude to me ! Why last night did you pull me to kiss me? Just cuz I was sad so you can make me feel better? And leave me wondering and hoping?! Leave me with so much fuckin pain. And you said you did that because I was sad. Why would you do that kind of shit!? Fuckin UGH !

Now it's awkward in the house. I don't know how to act tomorrow. I'm terrified. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm angry. There's only one thing I can do...<3>

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